Planes, Trains and New Places

This past week I had a great opportunity from the Navy to attend a class in Pensacola FL. I packed up my bags and decided instead of trying to get to the airport by 0700 I would take the VRE and transfer to the Metro in order to get to the airport. I showed up early to buy my ticket and once I boarded I expected to have someone collect my ticket - only no one came. So I flipped my ticket over and read a disclaimer - basically came in the form of a threat - if you are asked for your ticket and you don't have one - then you have to pay like thousands of dollars in fines for illegally boarding the train. Still made me think I should've boarded the train and taken the risk. Yet, I've never been fortunate to talk my way out of anything and trying to get out of a fine for not buying a ticket would have been next to impossible. I am sure of it. So. I arrive on time and stand in line for the counter. Woman says to go check in on the lower level so I go - presenting my military ID because I am on orders and I am told I need to pay for my bags. I looked at the woman funny and said "I thought being on orders would mean I get my bags free." "Yes. You need a military ID" Then I said "Yes. I just gave you one." Then she said "Oh yeah. You just don't look military." Well - I wasn't sure how to take that - especially since I'm pretty insecure about my military bearing. So, not being sure what to say I simply replied "I guess I'll take that as a compliment." Then off I went - off for a scan and grope - but got neither. Security was a breeze except for the plastic playing cards. Something on the coating of the cards showed up as a suspicious item in my carry on. Hum. Makes me wonder what is on the cards. So - I get on the first flight and sit behind three guys that are all wearing WWE shirts - heads are shaved and they are wearing bracelets. The one guy had a bracelet that read "I love Boobies." I leaned forward and asked "What does your bracelet say?" He only spun it around so I could read it - I had wanted him to say it out loud but he didn't. I love boobies. Seriously. Then I got to thinking - I do not know any woman that would wear a bracelet that said "I love penis." It doesn't even sound good. What is the fascination with boobies anyway. Men pay to look at them. Men dwell on them. Men will pay a woman to get new ones. I need to Google Penis implants. I'm sure they exist but I do not know one woman that would pay for one. Really. Not only that - men are so concerned about their parts I doubt they would go under the knife to actually try and increase the size and stature of their part. Am I right? Now I'm freeking curious about implants for men. Does that mean I'm dwelling? Hum. So. The first flight goes well - the second flight I end up in the last row in the last seat next to the toilet. I only wonder what person I pissed off to get that seat. Really. The only positive image I can muster was the idea I would be the last to hit the ground if we crashed. I also thought I would be able to witness the jet falling off. I tried to close my eyes and sleep but it was difficult smelling the toilet and sitting upright. Then we arrived in Florida and I was happy. The airport is small and made me feel right at home. I also met at the rental car counter a man that was vacationing with his wife Mona - and they were getting a convertible and going to drive up and down the beach - visiting Margaritaville and soaking up the sun. I asked to go with him but his wife told him to stop causing trouble. I instantly fell in love with them and knew they must have a great time together. They were partiers and embracing life - living the moment and truly enjoying each other. I ended up running into them on the way home too! Which leads me to life in general. I enjoyed my time away from home - but I did not feel complete. I missed having Dan next to me - the bed was huge but empty - and I did not sleep well. The food was fantastic and dinner conversation pleasant - but I missed seeing things through my kids eyes. I discovered - while I do enjoy my time away - I am not whole. How is this? Then I wondered what happens when two people in a relationship move apart - how does the hole get filled? Can it be filled? Or when it does get filled - like old coal mine shafts - the dirt is there and fills in the tunnels - but it settles and whatever is on top ends up sinking....so the hole is ever "really" filled. I know this happens because where my brother-in-law lived - his house was sinking. So - is the hole in the heart sort of filled in and then there is still a gap? How on earth can the hole possibly be filled again? Dan was married before - and with unfortunate circumstances - the marriage failed. He had to have a hole - and while I came in the picture and the kids came in the picture I cannot help but think I am a part of the surface and what is underneath - the original hole - still is there. I cannot fill the hole. No matter how great we are together - it is still there - will always be there and in this case - I think it is a trust issue. We have a deep understanding and trust for each other. I have been able to sit home and know where ever he is in the country - he loves me and no one else. I am confident when he goes out - he goes home alone. I trust him completely. My heart is rock solid for him. But - when I go out and although I know he trusts me - there will always be a gap - like a small air pocket in the ground - of doubt. Not because he doesn't trust me - but because of the hole from the past. No matter how much he says he trusts and believes - he has a reason to have doubt - small gaps of dobut - but none the less. I know it and I try to respect it and I try not to egg him on. Yet, I did - made a comment about finding a nice young pilot in Pensacola. I planted a seed. No matter how far from the truth it would be I went there...I started stomping on the hole. Not very nice of me at all. So why did I do it? Why even say it when I know it would hurt? I do not know. So. I spent a week in Pcola. Hanging out with a female co-worker, shopping and eating. I went home to an empty bed, in a quiet hotel and looked forward to getting home. I love the comfort I have and I know how special and lucky I am. I love that I have a supportive and loving husband. I love the fact we have two beautiful children. I only feel bad for those in my life that are not so fortunate and I wish I could fix it for them. I wish I could fill the holes - but I know - even if I tried - the holes will always be there and there will always be someone that would be ready to stomp in the hole. Those people just plain suck and they probably wear bracelets that say "I love boobies." Shallow bastards. Oh. I Googled Penis Implants - they do not increase size - only the ability to maintain an erection - there is not opportunity to increase size and length. Poor guys. No wonder why they love boobies - we can do something they can't. Make our parts bigger. Hah.

A new life and a new year.

I am a Naval Officer. I continue to pinch myself knowing I finally accomplished my goal. Now what. What do I do now?

I had a classmate that hiked the entire Appalachian Trail and the end was bittersweet because he had spent months wondering what the moment would be like and then when he reaches the end of the trail - his journey came to an end.

I'm at that point. I've spent all this time in school, worked hard to get here and I ask myself now what. My high is gone. I need a new goal.

I have a brochure from Northern Virgina Community College sitting next to me and they offer a basic EMT course. Hummm - I think that would be cool to learn. I fancy learning the guitar - maybe I should find someone that will teach me. I think about karate and the gym - but I do not have enough FIRE to drive me. What is it I seek?

I am hungry to learn. I am hungry to do my job and do it well. I want to be a leader but still unsure how I can lead in a system I hardly know. Should my passion now to be learn everything I can about my service corp and the organization I work in?

I found a blog today www.eyeonthediscoball.com and I think I'm stuck in the mud too and I know I am easily distracted by shiny - all over the place with my ideas. I feel like I'm at that point where I met with the career adviser and I was all over the place and left him speechless - who does that? Leaves a career adviser speechless? Me.

I know I am where I belong because I am. But I also know I cannot be satisfied - there is more - I just need to pause and figure my path.

Nobody can fail at West Potomac

I'm getting settled in my new environment here in Quantico, VA. Most of my free time I'm in the car, driving around so I can find all the "necessities" in life. WalMart, Sam's, Target, Aldi, Bed Bath & Beyond, Goodwill, gas stations, coin laundry and various eateries the clan likes to frequent. While I drive, I channel surf the radio and today I stopped on a station offering the local news.

This station was giving a traffic update and I'm quickly learning traffic updates and road closures are a huge heads up around here. I only know two routes US1 and I95 I need to pay attention to a few of the local runs. I listen for roads I have seen during my travels so I can get a mental image how often they have troubles. I95 is not really an exception but there are enough lanes that if something happens one lane can move.

Anyway -when the traffic report was finished the announcer indicated that an Alexandria High School has done away with F as a letter grade. Instead, the school is going to offer an I for incomplete. Needless to say I am appalled. I didn't get introduced to an Incomplete until college and I think that is where the I needs to stay.

Why is it we have become such a society that rewards bad behavior? Why is it we continue down this road of not facing truth? If a student is a failure we are not doing them a favor of offering them a way to avoid the fact. We instead make it acceptable to not rise up and meet the challenge of being a quality student.

What I cannot understand is we have a "free" system of education. In this country each and every person is given the right to an education. Yet, what I've come to determine is when something is given and not earned the value is diminished. There is no value placed on the "free" education we offer and we have created a system where students do not even care enough to show up to class. We have created a system where students deface and destroy school property simply because they are not held responsible for their actions.

Where there is no pride there is no honor.

I am ashamed a school system finds it easier to offer an incomplete rather than to face the fact students are failing. Why are students failing? What is the root cause? If we take a closer look I can almost bet there is not a parent in the home that is actively involved in the child's education. Parents fail their children because the emphasis is placed elsewhere - sports, fashion are just two - we can also blame our own system for perpetuating bad behavior. Yet, are we doing enough as citizens to change the system?

If I had a child at West Potomac, I'd pull my child out of the system and let another district get the tax dollars. If my child does not perform he should fail. How else will my child learn there are consequences for actions? We have to hold our children responsible for their behavior in and out of the classroom. We are not doing this country any favors - these students - the same ones that are taught failure is ok are the same individuals that will need to run this country. I often consider the fall of Rome - one such argument for its fall was incompetent leadership. Need I say more?

We have a responsibility to our youth, we have a responsibility to teach them about success and failure and how to handle each with dignity.

So it begins.

I left our home on Friday, September 10 2010 to begin a new journey and adventure. When I left, I left a supportive and loving husband at home and two fantastic children. The night before I cried wondering if I was doing the right thing. Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing.

Think about it - everything we do that matters does not come easy. We have our challenges to overcome and we work at things. Just as we work at our relationships and our marriages or raising our kids to the best of our ability - we must work for results and it is not easy. I want to be able to provide for my family as well as satisfy a goal - it is not easy.

The first day of driving ended with me at a Holiday Inn near Syracuse. The parking lot of the place was packed and I could not believe the number of cars in the lot. Turned out there was an MMA fight. Huge following for that I guess. The hotel was really nice and I marveled at the fact I had an entire bed to myself and the remote to the television - but I was quite tired so I didn't really have the chance to enjoy the time. In the morning I wanted to get an early start so I simply got up and hit the road.

I ended up in Newport just after 4 PM and wanted to make sure that I stopped downtown to see the area before I headed to base. I also wanted to make sure I shopped for something for Janis for her birthday, which now that I did I'm really glad because I found out this week they won't let us leave the building and that made me feel a bit bad - knowing I can't run out and drop a nice package in the mail to the kids when I feel it necessary.

Yet - it is what it is and here I am. ODS.

I learned how to make a bed. The linens are flat sheets and the bottom sheet, you need to line up exactly with the foot of the mattress, hold taught while someone else pulls the other end of the sheet to the headboard and tucks it in while swooping arms to the side. Then you have to make a 45 degree angle for the tuck. Repeat for both ends of the bed. Bed cover - has to have the 45s too BUT you have a fold down of 12 in. -split the difference and that is a roll down point. Pillow is tucked and taught and centered on the bed.

We will learn teamwork and uniformity - if one person does it, everyone has too. With EVERYTHING - (well not everything) - but - the windows, if one person wants the windows open, they are all open and they are open to the same height. Crazy.

Walking to the bathroom (head) your bath towel is to be draped over your left arm - you walk on the right side of the hall, close to the wall. I can't even begin to think about everything we will have to do - it is crazy. Yet, here I am.

We have to weight & measure tonight so I'm a bit apprehensive - not sure how it will go, hopefully in will be fine.

I have a great roommate - she is a nurse from Phoenix heading to Portsmouth, VA. I've met a number of people but I cannot recall all the names. Shane, a prior service corpsman has been extremely helpful.

Oh - and for the record - living near the water leaves for a horn to blow it seems every min. or two - I think it will soon be like living near the gun club - after a while you don't hear the noise.

I know we do not have it as bad as the OCS guys - I wish I could walk in with a camera to the mess hall because these guys MUST chew so many times - set their cups in the same place, look straight ahead, and then drop the head. It is almost robotic and droan looking - pretty scary- but amazing all at the same time.

Needless to say - this will be an adventure. I am looking forward to the challenge and making many, many friendships along the way.

I'll write again when I can!

Under Scrutiny

I do not watch much television, nor do I listen to a lot of radio. Perhaps it is me, with my head in the sand but if I listened to the news I would be constantly yelling at reporters. I would have a one way debate in which I would surely win. Yet, just yesterday I was riding in the car with my wonderful husband and I listened to a call in show about the recent vacation the First Lady and her daughter have taken to Europe.

Many people were upset because of the sheer cost of the vacation, and yes, I think it is appropriate to question actions when there may be occasions of wasteful spending when taxpayers are footing the bill - but should we be outraged about a 10 day vacation when we can be outraged about the wasteful spending that occurs on a daily basis in this country?

It is easy to pick on someone in the public eye. It is easy to point fingers and judge. So what if Mrs. Obama is wearing a thousand dollar jean top - more power to her! My sister was talking today about someone commenting on her athletic shoes - she has these toe shoes barefoot athletes wear - and she wore them tubing in a river to protect her feet. Apparently one woman could not believe she was wearing "hundred dollar shoes" - apparently she was pretty vocal about how much of a waste it was to spend that much money on shoes. Well - the woman pointing the finger had a tattoo on the back of her neck - should we point out how much ink costs?

We all have things we spend our money on that would not make any sense to anyone else - but does that mean if someone has a lavish spending habit they are wrong? I would say from an accountability standpoint - if the money is being borrowed (government handout, grant, gift or loan) there should be restrictions. Yet, if the person has worked hard and wants to spend their money on a shirt so be it.

So we move to the fact the vacation was in Europe and not in the US. Ok. I've always told my kids they need to see what is here in this country first - to know and understand all regions are different and to explore in our own backyard. We have amazing beauty here and many, many things to do. When we travel we try to find off the beaten path things - like the whistle factory in Columbus, OH, or the New Year's Sausage Drop in a small town near Toledo or even Gotta Groove records, a vinyl pressing factory that makes records in Cleveland, OH. We could bring up Wall Drug, SD, the Cadillac Ranch on the road through Amarillo, or what about the Blue Bell Ice Cream factory in Broken Arrow, OK. These are just a few gems we have here I bet you won't find in Spain.

We have cobble stone streets, beautiful cathedrals and a rich history. We have battlefields and reservations, harbor towns and railroad towns we have much to see and much to explore. We have the mountains and rivers the canyons and prairies and I bet the Obama children have not explored everything we have. But, what I think is the best way to travel is similar to buying a thousand dollar top. I know if I walk into the Salvation Army I can find something cute and fun and pay a few dollars. I also know by shopping there I help individuals make a better life for themselves. I get my satisfaction that way - it is not the same for everyone.

While we can poke and be critical - let us consider the event for what it is - a mother and a daughter on a vacation - seizing opportunity when it comes.

Cows on the Freeway

OK. I'm trying something new - sort of prepping for the future and I'm dragging my rear end out of bed at 4:00 AM to head to the gym. I'm not going alone as I'm dragging my sister along with me. We've been at this for a few weeks now with hiccups along the way but this morning I was glad I was up to hear a breaking news report.

"State Police have closed the Northbound and Southbound lanes of US 131 between 14 Mile Rd and 10 Mile Rd. A semi carrying cattle on Southbound US 131 flipped inbetween 13 & 14 Mile Rds and cattle are wandering all over the freeway. This is a dangerous situation because of the darkness. Please exercise caution on surface roads near the area as cattle have dispersed in many different directions."

Cows on the freeway. Good Lord - we have a huge problem with deer now we need to look out for cows. I can only imagine if you hit one in a car what sort of damage would occur. Then it struck me funny - if you hit a cow - do you get to keep the meat? I wondered as I drove down 13 Mile if I would encounter a cow but it didn't happen. Then on my way home - the freeway was still closed and I replayed the scenerio of a few years ago in my head when a peacock wandered into our yard. The peacock had my kids all excited - yelling, screaming, jumping up and down. Dan was home and documented the fact. I could only wonder what would happen if I drove up the driveway and saw a cow in the front yard. I'd be yelling and screaming "Can I keep it?"

It is now 6 hours since the accident and no cow has been spotted in our yard. Darn

So. While at the gym we encounter many different people. One man there in particular has earned the nickname "Hulk" by my sister. He is a short squatty man with huge and I mean huge arms, legs and a huge neck. But there are times when he lifts weights in the area my sister and I frequent.

If I can create a picture - or at least equate the weight area into two sections - big kid pool and wading pool - my sister and I always walk by the big kid pool. It is on the first floor and has numerous free weights and weight machines - it is an intimidating area as there is a lot of grunting and strutting that takes place on the first floor. So - we head upstairs to the family area - where there are cute weight machines in bright red paint with signs on them that say "This equipment was designed for use by children." See how we have big kid pool and kiddie pool distinctions.

Well - we are working out on the machines designed for children and the Hulk comes upstairs and starts playing in our pool. Is this man just trying to show off? Not only that - he will lift and then leave the machine with his pin still in place on the equipment. I'm sorry but I don't enjoy taking the pin out from the very bottom plate (which is about 300 lbs and I am exaggerating here but you get the point) and moving it up to the second plate (which is 40 lbs). It is embarassing and I think the Hulk should go back to his pool and stop peeing in ours.

I've enjoyed my morning workouts at the Y - it is my time with my sister and we have fun and I should go home and shower and become productive but I get sidetracked by walking past the bed. I promise myself I'll only lay down for a few minutes and then instead it is hours later. Yet, the redeaming part of this is the fact I am getting up at my normal time BUT I've also got a workout out of the way. I'm just going to have to learn to function and stay awake...baby steps you know - baby steps.

So - from cows to Hulk like men in the kiddie pool I wonder what else will come our way today - maybe a flying pig? I'd bank on a flying pig.

We just blew by the 4th

Yep. I said it in the previous post - summer is slipping away and goodness it is. We had a fantastic Fourth of July in mid-Michigan with perfect weather. Great food and wonderful family - kids and babies - it was wonderful. So - not wanting to let go of those moments we headed back "north" for a few more days and the kids swam their hearts out.

Back to reality, I checked my email this morning and had a message that brought me to tears. A former co-worker, no a friend, passed away on Tuesday leaving behind a wife and children and some grandkids too. I never knew my mother's parents and it has left a void in my life - a part which I cannot touch or connect with and I wonder how many grandkids in his family will wonder what grandpa was like. It saddens me so. It also makes me thankful I was able to make amends and move beyond the past and look to the future. How important it truly is to be able to forgive. I hope no one wishes otherwise in this case - he was such a good man.

So - from death I look to the promise of life. I follow a blog online of a woman that is journaling her emotional journey toward motherhood. I keep her in my thoughts and prayers each day as I know how much she really, really, really wants to become a mother. I never wanted to be a mom, that was until I met my sister's daughters and I couldn't imagine not having kids of my own.

The kids fill my life - with much joy and frustration - but I would not change it for anything. I love my kids and love their imagination and sense of adventure. I love hearing about my son's first "love" and his passion to do great things and I love to see my daughter jump down the stairs and sing her sassy songs. My chef and artist - both want jobs where they find fulfillment in what they can give to others. I know that feeling and as I embark on my adventure of serving others I only hope I can do my job - beyond well - I want to excel and make a difference. I want to make a change.

On that note - I will close with a thought about the man that passed away. He touched many, many lives and truly made lives change. He made a difference and he made me feel welcome and special. I will miss you my friend, I suppose God needs someone to help him run his show.