It is June

June has arrived and it arrived in splendor - sunny and warm - perfect start to the summer.

With the arrival of June comes many events, the last day of school for my kids. This day happens every year and yet, it is this one that is hitting me deep in the heart. My son will move to middle school and my daughter second grade. Where did the year go? I could tell you - I was buried beneath the ruble of an MBA. I remember back to the fall when I wished the year would be over and thought "I cannot wish the year away because I would be wishing another year away with my children." Tough, but it is what it is. Another year down and the summer awaits.

I love summer. I love it because there is opportunity. Opportunity to go about your day with no restrictions or plans - the ability to get up and do what you please, when you please. Yet, this is also dangerous because inevitably, without having a plan - we tend to let summer slip by without maximizing opportunity. So, needless to say, wanting to stay away from a schedule leads to wanting to set one. All so I make sure we don't look back and wonder why we wasted summer.

I want to spend time on the dunes, explore a bit of Michigan before we end up moving. I want to feel connected to this place before I venture into the unknown. I don't know who sings the country song - about wanting to touch home - a woman knocks on the door of her childhood home wanting to touch the past to heal and find herself. I want to make sure I imprint upon my mind, this place - to have good positive memories before I get to make more in a new environment.

I also consider this is the month we lose Filippo our exchange student. I have had a grand time getting to know him and it will be sad to see him go. Yet, I think he too will come back for a visit - but it won't be to this house - to the area he spent his year. I've often thought about visiting my host family and how odd it would be to visit them - in a place I have no connection. Yet, we move on - establish new homes and environments and we build our lives around those instances. We are better because we are all influenced by all these cool factors. Even knowing Fil - we are influenced by him and there are memories we build upon because of him. He will be missed for sure.

I consider the 17th - the day I swear in and take my place as member of the United States Navy. I've thought of the Navy for years and now - it is here - and while I am so excited I am nervous too. I often wonder if it is the right path but everything fell into place and any hurdles before me, I was able to leap without faltering. I look at the way it has come together and feel in my heart and soul - this is where I was meant to belong. I was meant to give back to the same institution that gave me life. I fear, of letting down my family and those around me - I fear my kids may resent the path - I fear - of lots of things but know it is so important to rely on my faith for strength and courage and I hope my family will do the same.

I mention faith often - not because I am a particularly religious person - but because I have been "healed" by faith. I know it sounds wacky -but it is true. I felt I was missing something and it wasn't until I really just let myself go - to experience faith in action and listen to the Word - it hit me. It is not just some abstractness - but more of a tool. Use faith as a tool and it will get you where you need to be. I feel as if I should be Forrest Gump "That's all I got to say 'bout that."

We have scout camp and vacation bible school, potlucks and picnics and then June will be over. I can already feel summer slipping away....

It is almost over

Well, the road to my MBA is winding down. I am less than 3 hours away from taking my final exam. Fifty questions in an hour and fifteen - yes the road is winding down and I am once again conflicted.

I am thrilled I will be done and I will have the degree under my belt - but all the time and energy I have put into the process will come to a halt and I will need to re-focus my energies. While I've looked forward to not being saddled - it was also a great escape. I could hole myself up and ask for quiet. I could stay up late, get inside my head and work. All the things I hated while at the same time - I enjoyed.

So - it comes down to this final - and I'm not wanting to push the sprint - only want to pause and relish the finish line - if I drag it out long enough I can avoid my responsiblities of the day and when I wake up tomorrow - I will be done. I will be in church thanking God for everything He has granted and I will be able to sit back and breathe a sigh of relief.

What I am blessed with is the fact we will have company on Monday so I will be able to re-focus energies toward cleaning the house - trouble is - I won't have the excuse of having to study to use to step away from the chores.

See how emotional this is?

So - I have decided my study time will now become physical fitness time - I will spend more time and energy on running, walking, biking and swimming. I will become focused upon my task of becoming more physically fit for my new job. I will become focused upon my task of learning a the Sailors Creed and the General Orders. I will focus upon becoming a mom and doing all the things I've missed out because of school. I will focus upon being a better friend and keeping the dates and promises I make.

I cannot believe this is the end. I cannot believe I have two Masters degrees. Yeah. I cannot beleive it is almost over.

The world of online dating

Wow. Someone just left here after showing me the world of online dating and I gotta say - I'm a bit jealous and creeped out at the same time. I know that sounds terrible about being jealous as I am happily married - but I can say I didn't date a whole lot for various reasons. I pretty much was told at one point that I "scare men." Which is something that a single gal never really wanted to hear - but it was good enough for me. So - I scared men. But obviously I didn't scare the one I've been married to for the past 13 years.

Regardless - let me get to the point - I thought it was cool this gal could go online and see how many "winks" and profile looks she got - that would be a total ego boost I'd think and it made me wonder if I would get any winks or looks and if I would be "matched" with Dan via the online match finder. Then I began developing different things aside from winks - like can you butt grab or have em talk to the hand....seems a wink is just too boring!

So - we are sitting at the dining room table looking at this website and wow - are these guys dumb or what?!

One guy - his profile picture had a woman cut out of the shot - but her hands were still draped around his neck. Hello?? Anyone home? That is the only picture you had to put online - a picture of your face with another woman's arms around you? Either you have a ton of gal pals, you are hating the gal you just broke up with OR you are just stupid. Then the other dude taking his own picture. I said "red flag" right there - the guy didn't have any friends to take a nice picture of him? He has to take the picture of himself? I know it was a personal portrait because it has his arm extended out and that funny angle you get when you shoot your own mug. It would seem if her were a catch he'd have his friends covering his back - getting cool pics now and again.

Then the spelling - is spell check unavailable? Goodness - if you are trying to show someone how brilliant you are - why in the hell can't you spell? It wasn't just one word - it was a handful of words. Lazy I'd say - that would be a clear strike.

So we are scrolling through and I say " Oh hey - let's take a look at him - he's cute" But we can't because if you click on a profile they can see who looked at them - and then they can stalk you back. Good lord - what fun is that?

Then I also got to thinking about the number of people out there in this world just waiting to meet their special someone and are still waiting for someone to click on their profile. I see it like fishing - drop in the line and see who bites - but then those guys that are a bit shy or not so confident or those who cannot hide behind a wall of humor - may continue to miss out because they just don't stand out. It seemed a bit like high school - picking guys out based upon their look. Then a bit like college when you try to determine the amount of substance and maturity and then like old, hardened souls - knowing a guy that has to put "faithful" in his post is just trying to convince himself.

We talk about innovation a lot in business school - if I were innovative - I would write online profiles for a living because some of these guys profiles just suck.

So - this is where the relief sets in - I have a stable, happy marriage with a man I adore and I don't have to put myself out there - I know I am loved with all my flaws - with the fact I schlep around the house in sweats, that I snore at times, I sleep talk and laugh, I make cereal for dinner and keep house like my paternal grandmother. I don't have to log into a computer every night and wade through the bullshit to get to the meat. I am relieved I am grounded but still a bit curious...what kind of online profile would I have?

Just a thought you know....just a thought.

Patriotic Table and Prentzels and other Randomness

Ok. I feel as if I have to preface this post with the fact I truly love my family. I love that we can laugh at each other. What makes it different is we are the targets of our own humor - our jokes do not seem to come at the expense of others - only ourselves and I think I appreciate it. It is easy to laugh at others and poke fun at someone that is not present to defend oneself but this is not funny - it is hurtful.

So - instead of poking fun at others - we focus within and I think it bonds us together like an inside joke that I will now exploit to the world.

We are riding in the car and Ben is wanting to know about the Patriotic Table of Elements and I thought I heard "Patriotic" but knew my son would not confuse "Periodic" with "Patriotic" - yet I can see how the table could be Patriotic - with Gold and Silver - equate this with Olympic Medals and yeah....I see the connection. So - I let it slide. A few days later, Ben brings up the Patriotic table again. Did I hear him right? Did he say Patriotic?

So, my husband sets out to correct the error. This coming from a man that cannot for the life of him say "Pretzel" - he throws a random "N" in for fun - and it drives me nuts - "I'm packing some prentzels in my carry on." "Who ate all the prentzels?" WHAT on earth is a prentzel?

Now - I know I've made mistakes too - like the time on the White Pine trail when I saw a pheasant and exlaimed "Look a peasant!" - Oh - minus the "H" and when Dan exclaimed "WHERE?" We both exploded with laughter.

We've had other words like "breakfrast" (breakfast) and "gazzurt" (dessert) come into our vocab and we laugh. It is delightful to laugh at ourselves.

We are not perfect and we do not pretend we are. We live honestly and celebrate our moments together and it truly is a blessing - even when we pick up extra letters and patriots.

As for other randomness - Janis and I saved a raccoon today. We were at the track and I headed over to spit my gum out in the garbage bin and saw this big ball of fur. My brain doesn't process situations that are out of the ordinary very fast and the first thing that popped into my head was "Who would throw a dead raccoon into a garbage bin?" Then I had an immediate thought that it wasn't a raccoon because I could not see its tail or head - then dog came into my brain unitl I thought I heard it hiss. No dog. Cat? Then it hissed again and I knew it was a raccoon. The darn thing was trapped in the bin - plastic sides and nothing to climb on to get out I only wondered how long it was stuck in there.

Janis and I thought to drag the barrel closer to the grassy hill but we were afraid of being wrong - that the raccoon only wanted a safe place to sleep and that it would actually jump out and attack. So- ever so carefully and slowly we slid the barrel to the grass - all the while this raccoon picked up its head and continued to hiss.

We got the bin to the gate and slowly tipped it over and that raccoon did not waste a moment getting out of the trash. He even left food behind. I felt so bad for it - all curled up into a ball as if it had given up hope - and then when he had the chance - he fled - got to the top of the hill and looked back before he crawled under the fence to make his great escape.

Watching him run and looking back- made us both feel good - as if he need us and we needed the affirmation we did something right.

So - I think about my family and the blessings we have - the kindness and openness of our hearts and the understanding we are not perfect - but we strive to live our best and with that I can ask of nothing more.

Aqua Log

It is the final weekday of spring break and I wanted to do something different and fun with the kids so I decided to take a drive to Holland to visit the aquatic center. The place was pretty cool - diving boards, zip line, splash zone for kids, water cannons, vortex, floating obstacle course, floats, basketball and of course an aqua log.

First off - I didn't really want to go swimming but I figure I better get used to parading around in a swimming suit and jumping in cold water. So, I joined Janis on her adventures. First we saw the inner tubes and Janis immediately wanted to float in one so we jumped in the water and she floated a bit before she decided we could check out the splash zone.

Splash zone had much warmer water and it was geared toward the smaller kids - really shallow water, lots of water spurting out from everywhere, a tire swing - it was pretty cool but not really adventurous for Janis. Yet all the really "cool" stuff as Janis would say, was considered deep water and if you wanted to swim deep water, you had to swim 25 yds. A big challenge for a 7 yr. old - but not that tough - she managed to swim the entire way without stopping and as soon as she got the thumbs up from the life guard we were off to the diving boards.

Yet, I don't think Janis ever got on the diving board until we were about to leave - we got sidetracked by THE AQUA LOG.

The aqua log is a huge floating noodle - like what you see on those stinkin Japanese game shows and the idea is to run across as fast as you can without falling off. Yeah. Right. Ben showed me how it was done - with speed and grace he made it from one end of the log to the other before jumping in - he did great. Then Filippo. He managed to do it as well - but not as quick or as graceful. Then Janis - she stood on the starting block jumped on the log and got about three strides before she bounced off and into the water. Then it was my turn.

I only wish we had video because even the lifeguards were laughing and you know - I think it takes a lot to get them to crack a smile after a week of special hours during spring break. So I stood on the block and Ben is giving me advice "Just run, don't think about it - just go." So I went. The first step I took I paused and took one more and I don't even know what happened next. I think I fell on my front, bounced back and flipped somehow because I inhaled a ton of water. I came up laughing and I could only imagine what I looked like - and then I tried it again.

This time when I fell it was a bit more graceful but I still couldn't get passed pausing after the first step. Ben is adamant about saying you can just run like you are on a track and he doesn't think about the log -he just runs and that is probably the truth but I think that log and I are going to have a tougher time.

It is a mental block I have to get passed. How do I make my body go when my brain wants it to stop? I figure I'm going to have to learn to work on auto pilot at some point in my military career - that I will have to do something my brain tells me I shouldn't be doing but my body must. So I think the aqua log is just the tool I need to get my mind right.

As for parading around in my swim suit - it was ok - I look forward to the day when I'm more confident than ever - I think the Navy is gonna take care of that part for me.

All this at no charge to you!

Today I answered the phone. Not that answering the phone is a big deal, but I knew as soon as I had to repeat "hello" twice it was a sales call. This particular call was from DTE Energy and the guy on the other end of the line was trying to sell me a protection plan for my furnace and hot water heater.

He did a great job telling me if I purchased the plan protection for 13.99 a month if anything were to ever go wrong I could have someone from DTE come out and fix it all at no cost to me.

Hum. At no cost to me.

Funny thing is, the guy mentioned this several times and I wanted to laugh. If all this was going to be done at no cost to me, why on earth would I want to spend over $167.00 a year to "protect" my furnace and hot water heater. I told him I was not interested and really had to bite my tongue when he asked "Why?" I only said "I'm simply not interested."

Here is my thought - do people sign up for stuff this quick? Now, I'm not going to tell you I've never fallen for a great sales job - my husband would say I'm first to jump on a bandwagon when it deals with weight loss stuff - but when it comes to appliance protection plans - isn't it cheaper to buy a brand new appliance?

Curious, I Googled the price for new hot water heaters and they can range in price from 150-thousands of dollars. If I saved my 13.99 a month in the bank, I could replace my hot water heater at no cost to me!

So - I've decided I probably need a car protection plan, dog protect plan, shoe protection plan and possibly a computer protection plan - all so if something goes wrong I can call the right people and they will take care of replacement at no cost to me. Yeah.

Observations

Last night I had the opportunity to celebrate a "Oops I missed my 40th birthday party" with my sister and her friends at the Polish Falcons Hall on the west side. I hadn't been in that building for years and I truly had a great time. I made some observations last night, which I though would be great to discuss.

First, the hall was full of people celebrating St. Patrick's day - I found it amusing since the hall was full of those with Polish heritage - polka music and songs in Polish - yeah - I'm seeing the Irish connection. But that was the true beauty of the night - a bunch of people having a great time. Young people, old people and those in between. Talking - socializing-dancing. Second, women were dressed comfortably and the men too - as if they were completely able to be true to themselves. Full figured women dancing with young men, teenage women dancing with older stout men. Partners would change and the dancing would continue. It was an environment of friendship only one goal - to have fun. It was surreal - a man in the corner playing spoons - pounding out the beat. He was there for him, his enjoyment and ours. While it was fun to watch I really felt like going out on the town and I wasn't the only one so we headed out to watch the Mega 80s.

Luck was on our side with a curb side parking spot across from the entrance to the club. Once inside - the atmosphere was electric but it was no Polish Falcon. Women were dressed a bit more seductively -men eyeing the women and the music was in English. We made our way to the front of the stage and began to dance - enjoying the show and the company of those around us. Yet, I could look left and right and women were smashed up against men - bodies moving as one and hands groping. I had left one place where the night was all about fun and comfort to a place that was all about people using one another. Kind of made me sick.

During my observations an attractive man can up and hugged a gal in our group - she knew him from high school so an immediate connection was made. We were all graduates from the same high school. Knowing the name I asked him what class he graduated with he answered me with "Does it matter?" While my immediate thought was "no" - it was a question none the less and warranted an answer because I was had asked and it wasn't an invasive question. He finally answered - a few years ahead of me. So - he settles in next to us being friendly and dancing. Similar to the Polish Falcons he seemed comfortable with himself and with his ability to dance. I gave him credit for being on the floor even after he apologized for his ability to dance. Banter and banter some more with everyone in our group. It was fun.

As the night wore on - this guy would venture away and always come back but then it got a bit weird when he pulled me in front of him, putting his hands on my waist and yelling into my ear "This song is so emotional for me, so if you don't mind..." at which I turned. Maybe it was the look I must've had upon my face - that probably said "Is this guy hitting on me?" Then he asked "Is there a husband?" To which I replied "Yes. I have one of those." I kindly moved his hands from my waist and stepped to the side. Yet I didn't want him to think I was mad -because I wasn't. It was the nature of the place - the environment - I was there for fun - he was there for something a bit different. I only wonder if I need a bigger ring.

After the "mis-understanding" - he politely excused himself and danced off. I thought he'd be gone in search of a single gal but he ended up coming back. He kept chatting but I didn't have to remove his hands again but the whole situation was a bit odd. I'm convinced I saved him from making a terrible mistake. I believe he is a married man. I believe he had a bit too much to drink and got caught up in the moment - but what if he had grabbed another woman to the right or left and she allowed him to touch her and not remove his hands...

We all make choices. Some good - some bad. I was flattered this guy took an interest - he made me feel desirable but he also made me feel grateful for what I have. A loving and dedicated husband and father of my two children. I was able to enjoy my evening, even with this guy next to me because I knew without hesitation I was solid in my own relationship and that in and of itself was a fantastic self observation. I have a solid relationship and while I've known it all along in the face of temptation I was able to smile and say "I have a husband" and that makes me feel great.